So you made it to college and now its hitting you, the burning question of this current chapter of your life, the one that proceeds all the hard work and time you put into just getting to the starting line of potentially the next four years of your life- “What am I doing here?!” . Or, maybe your’e in the thick of it and have been a student for a while and either have always struggled with this or it’s just now dawning on you. Either way, you’re questioning why you’re here.
If you’re anything like me (a first-generation college student by what can only be chalked up to as the grace of God alone, made it into and successfully through college) you’re probably experiencing a heap ton of “imposter syndrome” right now.
imposter syndrome: a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success
For me, college was always part of the plan. It was something pitched to me from a young age as an essential part of life. I was reminded constantly of the many family sacrifices made to ensure one day I could receive a good education; and how education was my gateway to making my family proud and having a “good life” (the typical narrative told to children of immigrants- shout out to my fellow first and second gens!). When it came time for me to start my college career, I worked hard. Really. F*cking. Hard. It took a lot of determination to get into school despite spending so much of my life anticipating this very moment.
For some context: I lost my Dad going into my senior year of high school and it completely shattered the idea I had for my life post high school (as one might imagine so) but it forced me to get serious and accomplish goals I knew would have made him happy. So, after high school I took time off to take care of my family and work before going back to school. When it was time to start my college career it took extreme focus on my part to push past the grief and current circumstances, and choose to go back. I did 2 years at a community college so I could be closer to home before switching to a university. I started at the community college in January of 2020, and just shortly after starting, the COVID shutdown began and all classes moving forward were online. Since I was working full-time and going to school, the online classes didn’t really affect me much. I actually enjoyed that modality because it was easier for my work schedule and allowed me to be around my family more often compared to if I had to be in person. By the time I completed my AA degree though and was gearing up to transfer to a University, the COVID restrictions were easing up. So, by the time I started at the University, a lot of my classes were in person again- and that’s when it hit me… What was little ol me doing here?
In the middle of a bustling college campus with thousands of students, at a highly ranked school, surrounded by people who have the potential to do and be so much… just little ol me smack dab in the center confused about next steps all the while even more lost on why I, of all people, was there. I had spent so much of my life anticipating this chapter, and so far I had proven myself surely as a worthy student to be here. I worked hard just like every other student, did my due diligence, and was accepted, yet something nagged at me as I stared at the giant buildings in front me- the thought of “I dont belong here” played in my mind constantly.
But why? Like I said, I worked damn hard to get there. I worked multiple jobs while getting my AA, helped my family, dealt with grief, and navigated a global pandemic. I applied just like every other student and the college chose me, baby! I spent most of my life knowing this was where I was going to be. So, why was this narrative of my “not belonging there” playing in my head so profusely? Lets break it down:
4 Reasons why you might be feeling Imposter Syndrome in college:
1. You imagine you are somehow less deserving than others to be in this shared space of higher learning
Essentially, you’ve tricked yourself into believing that the students around you are somehow more deserving to be there than you. Perhaps this stems from a historical standpoint as maybe you’re a first generation student and you notice other students who have generations of college ties seem less confused about the whole process. Perhaps this stems from a lack of confidence in your abilities and you feel as though you won’t perform as well as others. Maybe your’e overwhelmed by all the “new” surrounding you. Maybe parts of your identity make you a minority and that triggers fear of isolation or extreme pressure for you.
2. You’re in awe at where you’re standing and what you’re doing
I don’t think all imposter syndrome moments have that knee jerk reaction of automatically being inherently negative. Sometimes we are faced with new and exciting things and it prompts a moment of pause to really consider how you got to this moment in time. I believe imposter syndrome kicks in and settles within us though when we don’t take that moment to truly reflect on how we got to a certain point. When this happens your initial awe can turn daunting. Similar to how you see peoples expressions quickly turn sour as they realize they are in the midst of something vast. Like those people who are scared of heights and they go to a cliff with their eyes shut so tight and they’re holding on to something like their lives depend on it; then they open their eyes and let go, and for a brief moment they are elated and screaming “look at me I’m doing it”; and then the reality sets in again and fear overwhelms them. It’s an “oh sh*t!” moment and they begin to backtrack despite their previous feeling of joy and pride.
3. You subconsciously fear success the same way you fear failure
Too often do we block our own blessings because we are too afraid of stepping outside of our comfort zones. Fearing failure seems more natural and understandable, but fearing success happens just as often if not more! Obviously nobody wants to fail but do we ever consider how the road to success can also be scary and overwhelming? To be successful prompts hard work, trails, risks, and yes- failures as well along the way because newsflash: Success isn’t always a straight and narrow path, babes! Perhaps you’re afraid of failing, but also maybe you fear what it would take to succeed so as a result you tuck yourself away into a bubble of “I don’t belong” to negate the potential of failure by justifying it simply wasn’t meant to be, and avoid the stressors of success by saying, “that could have never been me because look at me *sigh*, oh well what can you do? Nothing.”
4. College wasn’t what you expected it to be
You spent time putting in the work, you understand the financial costs it takes to be there, you were maybe told your whole life about these next couple of years ahead of you, you watched all the college aged movies, you toured the campus, you know what major you want to be in and degree you’re trying to get, carefully picked your courses, bought the textbooks and maybe even a bit of college gear to show off your school pride… but now that you’re here, you have a big “WTF” stamped across your forehead because this is not how you imagined it would be going. Perhaps you imaged college was a bunch of people playing frisbee in the courtyard, easy A’s, a new roommate who’d become your BFF, and parties; but your’e here now and you’re realizing its not that simple. Maybe that realization is rocking your boat a little bit too much and you’re beginning to question everything around you and even yourself a little bit.
So, how do you combat this problem?
For me it was a heaping dumpster fire of all the reasons above and probably some more sprinkled on top. I’d go through these weird little emo phases where I’d experience feeling like a complete imposter within my own life. It took a lot of self reflection, hyping myself up, and reminding myself why I was there to really get a good grasp on the situation and finally break free of these thoughts. Once I got a handle and effectively learned to communicate to myself and others that I did indeed belong, I. Was. Golden. Baby! Nothing could stop me. I was here to stay and I could do and be just as great as anyone else. Here’s some ways I dealt with imposter syndrome and finally felt like I belonged in college:
7 Way to Deal with Imposter Syndrome in College:
1. Own how amazing you are
As corny as it may sound, go ahead and tell yourself you’re amazing. Go on. Do it. Remind yourself day in and day out that you are an absolute catch, and that you are insanely capable; that’s why the college is lucky to have you there. Even when you dont feel like its true, just say it till it eventually becomes a little easier and you start to believe it- a good old fashioned “fake it till you make it” approach, if you will. You need to set your tune to something more self-serving and loving.
College can be hectic and overwhelming. It’s often built up so much in our minds that its sheer size makes us feel small in comparison. You have to continually remind yourself that you did the work to get here and that you have the capacity to make these next few years of your life into whatever you will them to be. Sign up for the courses you need and interest you genuinely, join clubs, talk to people, practice self sufficiency and independency, and put yourself out there.
2. Recount your steps and lead with gratitude
Like I previously mentioned, sometimes imposter syndrome occurs when we dont take the proper amount of time needed to truly reflect upon ourselves and the journey we have been on to get to our current point in life. If you are feeling somehow less deserving of your current stance in life or less capable of handling it, take time to recount your steps. Sometimes imposter syndrome is the result of feeling like all of a sudden you just fell into an alternate universe and you aren’t supposed to be there. Take the time to ask yourself what this current moment could mean for you and how it could serve your journey into where you want to be. Then ask yourself what choices you made brought you here. By taking the time to evaluate your journey and direction, you may feel less disoriented and deserted into this “alternate dimension”.
Once you have an idea of where you’ve been and where you’re going, the current moment is simply a stepping stone into the next. Be grateful for your previous steps for they are what got you here, be kind to yourself as you learn to embrace the now because soon it will pass too, and be hopeful and understanding of the path ahead of you because it might be full of surprises.
3. Accept that failure is a part of success
If your’e feeling like an imposter in your own life because failure seems like a cruel indefinite fate you’ll face if you put yourself out there and/or because success seems like a lot of hard work that you feel like you can’t handle then you’re only doing yourself a disservice in the long run. Failure is only a lesson learned and a calling to redirect and try again; success is the culmination of those lessons and redirections piled together to elevate you.
More than likely you went to college for an opportunity to build a life you want through knowledge and career opportunities, and/or because it was an expectation for your life to attend. In either case, your journey is guaranteed to not be a straight path. You might change majors, drop classes, find new friends, pick up different hobbies or sports. You might apply to different internships and get turned down or miss certain deadlines. In either case, life goes on as long as you choose to not get hung up on the “what should’ve beens” and “what if’s”. Learn, redirect, and try again. If you become paralyzed with fear regarding the unknown or avoid the hard work, youre college experience won’t amount to much- and that’s a big (and expensive) waste of time and heartache, my friend.
4. Drop your preconceived expectations of what college “should” be for you
Feel free to apply this to college or any other environment/chapter- the preconceived ideas you had about something are holding you back from really experiencing what is all out there for you. You’ll subconsciously close doors for yourself that could have led to amazing moments or lessons you needed to learn. By keeping these expectations you’re limiting yourself to live only within that framework; therefore leading to missed opportunities, disappointment, or a lack of self confidence when faced with something that seems beyond that framework. You’ll need to let those go so you can open yourself up to living life in the moment. In doing so, you’ll free yourself from the idea you dont belong because life is simply what you make it with every given moment. It forces you to change your perspectives and believe in your own ability to make life your own; and subsequently, college.
5. Understand you have room to grow
The fact is, you might not always be super prepared for what college has in store for you and that can be enough to start making you believe somehow you aren’t meant to be in this space. That’s not the case. You’ll need to be humble enough to understand that you won’t enter a space of learning, having learned everything previously, and expect to somehow come out better. College is meant to expand on what you already know- whether that be about the course material or yourself. If it didn’t do that, there would be literally no point.
Just because you don’t know everything or have it all together doesn’t mean you suck, it means you’re human and you’re about to grow so much. Be excited! You’re no less deserving to be there or less capable of handling it. You might need to work a little harder or explore a littler deeper, but that’s part of the college experience. Please, please, please hear me when I say this- if you go into college and are spending thousands upon thousands of dollars or are watching so much of your time go by in a space that you feel there is no room for you to push past what you already know (in other words, you dont feel challenged, excited, or like you’re learning in some way)… Leave. Baby, run! It’s perfectly normal, if not designed to be, that you won’t have it all together and figured out. Take a breath, and open yourself up to growing rather than closing yourself off because you feel like you were already supposed to be a certain way pre-college. You’re fine.
6. Understand this is an opportunity not a curse
Hey, at the end of the day it is school. It’s not meant to be ALL cupcakes and rainbows, but it’s also not supposed to be hell on earth either. College can be a gateway into the career you won’t and life you want to live so you have to treat it as such even when its annoying and hard. Yes, you’ll need to work your butt off, and yes sometimes you’ll wonder if its worth it, and yes you’ll wonder why the f*ck a damn calculator or text book is so expensive and how it might just make you cry (no? just me? crazy.), but it’s not the end of the world if you dont let it be.
Remind yourself why you came to school in the first place and what your goals are. This is but a chapter in your story and it will set the tone for the next chapter. Use it. This is an opportunity for you to learn and do so much, not a jail sentence. At any given moment you could pivot and expand, and with that power comes the peace of knowing you aren’t cursed because you got a F, are confused, or had to buy the worlds most expensive calculator when you aren’t even a math major and simply had to fill your schedule so you had to take that math class (still just me? okay.)- you’re human and this is just another opportunity for you to grow.
7. It’s all the more motivation when your’e one of the few rather than the many
I would be amiss if I failed to mention how imposter syndrome sometimes stems from a lack of representation and how facing the unknown can be daunting. Part of my experience with imposter syndrome in college was due to the statistics and lack of familiar faces and family connections that so many of my peers had. I tricked myself at times when I entered new spaces filled with people who didn’t look like me or understand me very well, into equating to the notion I was out of place being there. I was wrong, my friend, and so are you if this sounds similar to your situation as well.
If you are one of the few rather than the many, and you feel like you are out of place simply because of that, I urge you to reconsider. My dear friend, you are paving a way others didn’t see before. You are lighting the path so others feel less scared of the dark. Change your perception of “sticking out” to “lighting up” the space with your presence. You are here because you are meant to be in this very moment and you very well may be the reason others come along and feel safe and welcome later on.
Your’e going to be okay, and you are exactly where you need to be!
Babes, you are golden. Trust. Better yet, you’re marvelous.
